Asking God

There's something real we do
when we know that things aren't
working out,
whether in relationships,
money, or meaning.

It's when you've nowhere left to
go.

What a strange place to be.

You feel as though you've walked through
everywhere, and when you dream at night,
they come back.

Sometimes the ships leave,
sometimes the snakes suggest
deception neither you nor the next generation
comprehends.

You get the sense that everything
fails.

Eventually, no matter how you word it,
you ask God.

It's not about what they've taught you,
it's straightforwardly the language of the
heart.

Nothing tidy about that.

When you ask God,
everyone and everything is
present.

It's not, as they say, a big ask,
it's an all ask.

When you do that,
how does it feel?

I have asked God a few times,
and the question has become
bigger, and I have learnt, unwillingly,
to drop the desires of my dreams,
and to awaken to what
I can't.

I am sorry about this,
this not waking to currents and concerns,
all of which I should have known better. 

Sometimes I think I am still in
mediaeval times, killing my stupid
enemies.
They simply come back.

It's better to stop trying, perhaps,
and ask God.
It's where I am now.